At the Surrey Township Cemetery

We were the last to arrive and running late, which is commonplace for us. I had attempted to dress up with a frumpy ill-fitting sweater, a pair of cheap slacks, and some gym shoes having forgotten my dress shoes. It was a fairly uncomfortable ensemble that gave me the constant urge to squirm. We stepped out of the car into the warm autumn air. Gathered were Kyeorda, Micah, my sister, and I in addition to my mom's closest friend, boyfriend, twin sister, her brother-in-law, and her aunt and uncle. The sexton stood off a good distance to give us our privacy.

We did the perfunctory greetings. My uncle asked if we had come straight up from Chicago. I answered no and then murmured something about lateness and having a baby and then the conversation petered out. With no further reason to keep us from the business we had come to attend to, we wandered over to the hole in the ground. This hole lay in our family plot, the last unclaimed spot, with my Grandma, Grandpa, and Great Grandma already occupying the others.

My uncle said a prayer. We turned to my sister and she gave some thoughtful words which I can no longer remember, I only recall that they felt very moving at the time. And then eyes were on me. I had wanted to compose something of worth for the occasion. This never happened. When I did speak, my words felt ill-suited and rushed. I could not seem to capture what I wanted to impart to my mom's remains and so I stopped. We went silent and the sexton intervened. He asked who would be helping lay her to rest. My mom's boyfriend, my uncle, and I all stepped forward. The vault containing my mom's ashes had no good handholds and we struggled. I went down on my knees as we lowered the vault. The exhumed dirt soiled my slacks. After grunting and straining, we managed to gently lay the vault at the bottom. The sexton held out a shovel. I took it, told my mother goodbye, and released a shovel full of dirt onto the top of the vault. My sister stepped forward and repeated the ceremony. When no one else stepped forward, I turned and shook the sexton's hand. And then we stepped away to allow the man space to perform his duties.

Conversation started again. My mom's sister clung to Micah and Micah took to her with ease. Later Kyeorda and I would speculate on whether Micah knew the difference between his grandma and his grandma's twin sister.

My sister and I then strolled along the rows of stones trying to make a decision about a monument. We took pictures and came up with ideas. As we were walking back to rejoin everyone, we decided we did not want that bastard's name on the stone, that we would bury our mom without a last name. The decision felt like the first thing to go right that day. We then we piled into our vehicles and left.